I'm in love with your car

The one thing that’s always impressive about Malaysian cars is the magic our neighbours across the causeway can pull with it.

Take for instance, Perodua Kancil, Malaysia’s tiniest car. The Kancil was named after those indigenous tiny mousedeers (micedeer?), and the one thing I cannot stress enough about this car is that it is tiny. Midgets have taken bigger shits than the Kancil. In fact, you can barely fit 1 fat Sikh up in front, and he has to be careful not to breathe too hard. Yet as much as our dear, fat Sikh would dread being seated in a Kancil, you can fit (incredibly) over 7 Malays in that same soap dish on wheels.

And on that note:
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Malaysia firm's 'Muslim car' plan
By Robin Brant
BBC News, Kuala Lumpur


The Malaysian carmaker Proton has announced plans to develop an "Islamic car", designed for Muslim motorists.
Proton is planning on teaming up with manufacturers in Iran and Turkey to create the unique vehicle.
The car could boast special features like a compass pointing to Mecca and a dedicated space to keep a copy of the Koran and a headscarf.
The idea came during a visit to the Middle East by a delegation of Malaysian politicians and businessmen.
Malaysian press reports say officials in Iran originally suggested the idea.
Safety features or fuel economy is one way of selling a car, but Proton thinks vehicles designed specifically for Muslims across the world represent a huge gap in the market.
Proton is the most dominant car on the streets here but the company has suffered recently after the government allowed more foreign cars to be imported.
The firm has been in talks recently with VW about a takeover by the German car giant.
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I love how the article hints that Proton is nothing short of batshit insane. I’d like to smoke whatever hooka their boards of directors are inhaling this instance.

Director A: Safety features or fuel economy is one way of selling a car, but we’re Malaysian, and Malaysia boleh.
Director B: That’s right. No one wants a safe car when they can drive around in a death trap and sell their kidneys so they can afford a tank of gas.

One really struggles with constitutes an Islamic vehicle. This “dedicated space” to keep a copy of the Koran sounds like a very familiar concept. Hmn.

Glove compartments - good for your car, and good for the Kuran

Or, if one were a Koran salesmen, you could use the boot. Aheheh. Seriously, until Gideons start breaking into cars to start their “Bible on Wheels” program, I’m not sure Islamic cars are going to fill any “huge gap” in the market. It’s just difficult to understand why Malaysian car makers have such a hard time with coming up mere ideas for cars.

Aren’t gas prices sky-rocketing right now? Isn’t Malaysia, the world’s largest exporter of palm oil, researching engines that run on said major export? If memory serves correctly, there are a growing number of motorists who use vegetable/cooking oil as a means to keep their engines running. I can’t imagine why Proton or Perodua can’t build on this user base.

Granted, if you’re desperate enough to go skulking around kitchens stealing cooking oil, I doubt you’d qualify as a consumer who can afford a new car – but maybe you can move up to bigger things in life like mugging the old lady who lives across the street. Put that money to good use and support a Malaysian car maker today!